If I had it my way, our yard would be impeccable. The grass would be green. The flower beds would be tidy. I’d have cute Fall signs, a pretty wreath, and a garden flag on my flag post. We don’t always get our way. Our curb appeal right now is nonexistent. I used to take pride in our house. I still do, but my perspective has changed somewhat. I’ve had to realize that right now, the outside of our house just won’t be pretty until it’s fixed, and getting it fixed is out of our control. While we wait for the day we can put this whole mess behind us, I’ve had to let a lot of things go. I was doing better about the “Let things go” thing until something happened recently that hurt my feelings horribly about this curb appeal issue. I never wanted to be “that house”. It embarrassed me.
It’s hard to explain to people just how hard the past five months have been for me. We were newlyweds when the storms happened, and I was just settling in to my new role as a wife. Part of that was the homemaker aspect of being a wife. I wanted to keep our house nice and clean. I wanted to cook dinner and have a relaxing place for us to come home to after work. The house was my domain. I loved cooking in my kitchen and hanging out on the couch with my husband. Suddenly I lost control over my domain and had to leave it for months. Now, I don’t think women are the only ones responsible for the house. I enjoy my role in the workplace, too. However, having a house to keep was new and exciting for me. Decorating and maintaining it was something I truly loved to do.
While I was feeling sorry for myself today, I had an epiphany. For months, I had been tying “setting up house” to setting up our new family. It bothered me that outsiders would think badly about the way the house looks right now because I thought that meant I was a bad wife. I felt like our family wasn’t good enough, even though I knew it isn’t our fault the house isn’t fixed. Our house may not be fixed, but our marriage is stronger than ever. It’s okay. This world is not our real home anyway. The earthly things don’t matter. Our house doesn’t define our family. Next weekend, we’re going to buy our pumpkins. I’m still going to decorate for fall. I still can’t wait until we can put all this behind us. I’m still going to keep up our house, but I’m not going to obsess as much. This epiphany is just another one of those blessings that come from trials.